the Graners

Watch and wait were the words that kept coming to me when we met with the surgeon. When there’s truly not enough evidence to have a second surgery we felt that we would watch and wait. It reminds me of Jesus asking the disciples to watch and pray. Jesus had to be in such turmoil knowing the suffering that lay ahead of him. Through His death Jesus knows all about suffering and He is there to comfort us.

Our oldest grandson, Jaxon, was just confirmed and I wanted to share what he said in his faith statement. Jaxon said “my grandma got cancer this summer and it was the first time I asked God to save someone’s life”. Children’s prayers are so powerful.

When I was growing up my dad was a baptist minister. He’s been retired for awhile now and tomorrow, on January 27th he is 91 years old. A couple of his favorite verses that he quoted often from the pulpit are from Philippians 4:6-7. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I have another MRI on February 12th. We are praying for a good scan. There are also some trials in the works at the U of M that I might be able to be a participant. We are praying for that possibility.

Thank you all for your love, prayers and beautiful words you share with us. Words are powerful especially when you’re ill and feeling low.

We are praying for you too. So many of you going through similar illnesses or loss. Know that we love you all.

Happy 65th Birthday to my one and only brother. He was born on dad’s birthday , January 27th.

Love,
Susie

The “how much time do I / does she / do we have” rabbit hole can be dark and deep tunnel of anxiety. This is especially true when your mom is in the category labeled “terminal” which is where all GBM (glioblastom) patients reside. When we (I’ll use “we” for all of us on the Susie team) started looking deeply into cancer — especially terminal, we quickly realized that the standard thing to do is some combo of hardcore treatments to stay alive for as long as you can. And, oh yeah, think about your quality of life. One thing we always hear in the offices, exam rooms, message boards and support groups during this cancer care process is “quality of life.”  You have to think about extending your life and making the most of your time they say.

Dad’s post last week about practicing presence is a reminder of how we can always make the most of our time and enjoy life by just experiencing the present moment – for what ever it is. That never goes away. It is the blue sky. No matter how many clouds and even through the storms, It is always there. Waiting for our return (to the moment). Quality of life has always been our focus and Mom is amazing, positive, persistent and happy but living with cancer really sucks so we are now acutely focused on healing. The problem is that healing is not the focus of the cancer industry. They can’t even go there and they don’t. So you get the stats and The Plan (“the best plan, no question,” they say)

The standard treatment for terminal brain cancer is surgery followed by radiation w/ chemo, followed by chemo, chemo, chemo, surgery, chemo…maybe shave your head and wear an electrical field cap on your head for two years. Maybe a clinical trial. Extend life as much as possible. Your doing great. You’re healed? No. Chemo isn’t a cure – ask a chemo patient. Mom would say it’s a curse. Surgery isn’t a cure and it takes months if not years for a skull to heal from major surgery. She still deals with a face that doesn’t feel right, ever.

All of these options are available to Mom and they are part of the reason why she is doing so well. Her recent scans show no major signs of growth in the original tumor area. To not see any growth with aggressive cancer like this is a great sign that something is going right. Are there concerns? Of course. There areas near the original tumor area that appear to have changed since the surgery. This could be a result of chemo and radiation (treatment effect) or it could be the next tumor. Brain cancer is nasty – it doesn’t stop but chemo is also nasty and the levels prescribed to mom were crushing her quality of life and literally taking her body down pound by pound. Enough was enough and about a month ago, chemotherapy was shelved. Mom has already gained back some pounds and feels better than ever! She’s also more herself than ever during this time – tears and all.

Another important step was to find a second opinion and hopefully a new doctor / team who would listen to us, give us all of the relevant information about her cancer (not just the cliff notes) and who would attend to her personal needs and not to the standard agenda. Someone we can trust. Mom found that new doctor at the UofM and feels really good about the relationship. The new doctor team has been very active.

From the very beginning, extending life was not good enough for us. We understand how bad cancer is but we are interested in healing. For Mom, for our whole family, for you, for your family, for everyone. So, it is with that in mind that we embark on a journey to the land of true healing! We are foregoing the standard treatment for the next 60 days. Mom feels great right now so we will continue using a combination of immune boosting therapies, energy boosting herbs & medicines, sleep enhancing oils, life affirming / rhythmic  / mindful / spiritual practices, good food and great company. Mom will continue to meet with her oncology doctor, continue to get scans and we will continue to try and find the best options out there including various immunotherapies and alternative options. She is not afraid to do whatever it takes to heal and we are not afraid to find It.

We’d love to share more with you about our strategies, practices, therapies and medicines. You can email us at thegraners.com@gmail.com any time with questions, ideas or comments.

Thanks to you all for your amazing support – in thoughts, in prayers, in contributions, in gifts and in visits. We love you and can feel your love.

If time is all we have, we’re not going to waste any more of it.
~ Luke and Team Susie

Jesus shows up for dinner with friends, sisters Mary and Martha and brother Lazarus.  Martha does the host thing, cooking, fussing, setting the table, greeting guests, keeping everyone’s glass full.  But, her glass is half empty.

Mary sits at Jesus feet soaking in his presence, not lifting a finger to help. Clearly unfair. Her glass is overflowing.

Martha complains, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I get this story….now.  It’s my single biggest takeaway in this cancer journey.  Choose to be present.  It’s reflected in the mantra we use whenever we sense fear:  We have today, and tomorrow looks pretty good, too.  Who has more than that?

As a family, we also needed to choose what is better. We went for a second opinion. Not for any kind of guarantee.  We needed a Doctor who would be present—listen, explain, hope.  We found her at the U of M.  I don’t think her name is Mary, but she sat at Susie’s feet and attended to her needs.

Latest scans are positive.  A concerning spot has not grown.  Still a U of M team of specialists will take Susie’s case, put all their heads together, and come up with a plan. Today’s hope.

Few things are needed.  Choose what is best.  A walk with the dog.  A Parkway pizza.  Prayer. A night out with friends.  Meals with family.  Church.  These are in the moment times for us. Who needs more?

The future is uncertain for all of us.  But today, things are all right, and tomorrow looks pretty good, too.  We plan on enjoying plenty of todays and tomorrows with dear loved ones like you who have chosen to be present, sharing kind and generous gifts– eternal gifts that will never be taken away.

~ Steve

Had an online devotional shared with me.  The speaker was one James Finley, a 74 year old elder with a strong, gentle voice.  His long, thick, curly hair framed a face of wisdom.  The seven-minute chat ‘narrowed to a spear point’: “There was no room in the inn, but God came anyway.”

2017 has not been a year of comfortable rest in a respectable inn.  No predictable sleep at end of day.  In our extended family, you’re nobody if you haven’t been hospitalized, had surgery, or seen a specialist.  (insert laugh)  But God comes anyway.

Chemo, meds, therapy trips to Mankato, and the monthly scan.  God comes anyway.

Surges of energy too quickly followed by a tired day.  Frustrating inconsistency.  God comes anyway.

God comes as a Babe in a stable, a quiet way in a quiet place.  Jesus comes as vulnerable as we feel.

In our stable we now have a dog, Gabbie, a Tea Cup Yorkie.  A conspiracy of dear Minot friends and our children.  She’s working.

We have another scan done: no news is good news.  Cancer held in check.  There are concerns, but we rejoice quietly.  God has come in this, too.

Now it’s time to find Holiday energy.  Decorate the inn and provide for the guests.  Well….we’ll decorate the stable simply and hope for shepherds.  They’ll come anyway.

The Bethlehem Inn should have provided comfort and rest at journey’s end.  The stable instead provided the presence of God in Jesus for a journey just getting started.  We’ll take that.

Merry Christmas to you,  our generous family and friends.  Thanks for joining us in the stable.

I’ve been off chemo starting this week and will have 23 days without that pill. My mornings are getting better. I could really tell today. I see the radiation doctor again for a check up on November 30th. Radiation is completely done.

Steve and I have so much to be thankful for. Our Minot community, which includes all aspects of our past there. Our St Stephen Lutheran Church community, our family in several states and the team of doctors at Abbott Northwestern. My very special team, best team really, is my children and their families and my nurse/husband……Steve who takes really good care of me. To our friends who have been there for us continuously, we thank you and love you all so much.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Ps 46:1. This verse rings out so true.

Happy Thanksgiving and God bless you,

Susie